Pooh…these two days I really had to recover from the heavy days last weekend. I feel a bit empty, can’t activate myself and just don’t feel like doing anything. Physically I feel a lot better again, although the headache is there now and then. I don’t feel like the electrolytes I use have any effect, so I decided to stop taking them. In addition, I find the taste of the electrolytes too intense for this moment A glass with some drops of electrolytes comes along with some nausea. And after this weekend, I’m not going to choose volunteerly for that feeling.
Rollercoaster to emotions
I’m so preoccupied with what the ultimate effect of this waterfasts is going to be, it almost makes me aggressive on day fourteen. Or, well, almost. I felt a lot of aggression and anger again. I have actually no clue of how my eczema develops. And I’m done to focus my energy to that topic all the time. I want it to leave me alone! I want to get rid of it and be free. In my notebook, I start writing something, but they’re not words I can repeat here. For the second time during this water fast I feel an intense anger (the first time was on day 6). This time I use my anger energy for writing. I’m willing to do everything, or stop with everything, but I yearn for a sign that tells me I’m on the right track!
The last week has started
So far it seems that this sign is not manifesting itself to me. When I’m eased down again I realize that by letting these kinds of thoughts take over, the process that I’m in will pass by without me noticing. From now on, it’s still a little week until I reach the twenty-one days. It seems close, but yet so far away. Somehow I’m afraid the last few bobs are going to weigh the hardest. Every now and then finding some distractions is nice, but paying more attention to what’s going on inside me, feels good too. It gives peace. I value the way in which I’m working on myself and it also makes me proud that I’m capable of taking these steps on my path.
Meanwhile, more and more thoughts of food are passing by. They’re not that heavy that I want to give in right away. The idea that you can’t break a fast just like that helps too. If I’m going to break this fast, I have to be careful. My stomach and intestines are now asleep and if I surprise them with my favorite food, I can be sure that I will get abdominal pain afterwards. Still…I’m thinking about sushi more and more! Phew…I look forward to the sweet boy from the homedelivery who will cycle to in about three weeks from now. Maybe I’ll give him a hug when he stands at my door with a bag full of delicious sushi with salmon and avocado.
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